Reintroducing myself. . .

It's been so long since I've posted. It's been even longer since I've posted something good. And I suppose you will have to wait longer for something good, but at least you get something today. A mish mash of sorts.

Today during my internship in SF I took my lunch by the bay. I sat wearing a jean jacket and a blue scarf, the book Wicked opened to a page I'd already scanned 4 times and an empty Jamba Juice cup guarded from the breeze between my two feet. I slouched, which is guilty pleasure I allow myself during my lunch breaks, and stared out at the sail boats and sea kayakers. Treasure Island was visible across the expanse of the calm waters.

And it struck me, as it has many times before, I live in California. It's not just a geographical change or a evolution of my identity, but it's just WEIRD. I'm waiting for my epiphanies that others would appropriately deem inconsquential to become more frequent, because I think then reality would set in, that the excitement of living in a warm climate with exotic foliage, the wonderment of being enraptured by a town of hippies neighboring a city of hipsters. . .This is my life now. This is my life today.

Sometimes events and feelings and moments and interactions become so overwhelming. Things become so difficult in my mind that I want to start over. I want to move to Providence, I want to move to Florence, I want to move to Charleston, I move to Berkeley. . .But I need to learn to how to become part of this community like I learned how to cross the street. I need to Stop-look-and-listen. Pay attention.This week was difficult. My ego that I confused as strong showed it's actual weakness when it was prematurely pruned by some unwelcome pruners (aka jerks). With an already unstable mental and emotional states I took a few more hits all in the name of self-discovery. What did I discover? Everything every grandmother, teacher and After School Special has already told me: Be yourself, you're special and 'sticks and stones. . .'

Paying attention and restoring my self confidence are goals I can't seem to attain easily. And while some outsiders may criticize my attempts at resurrecting a lost soul, I think that I've been trying harder than usual. The results might not be seen by the naked eye, but the progress I can see is something I'm proud of. The progress I want everyone to see is something I still need work on. One thing you don't that I've learned is, I need your help too. Realizing that is a big step on my endless journey of self discovery.