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The fancy pumpkin seed cilantro pesto my parents bought me when we were visiting Sonoma wineries perished in the refrigerator despite being contained in a lovely glass jar. I wanted to marinate my chicken in it, but I ended up using months old Cajun marinade we had lathered up some pork tenderloin with in April. I'm thinking it was just as expired as the pesto, but didn't have visible signs of poisonous decay.

Why does this matter? Who should care I'm throwing away a mostly full jar of fancy pesto and instead using an old jar of marinade? No one should care, but I'll tell you why it matters to me. Ever since I've become a fiscal paraplegic throwing away food is no longer a blase activity. At home I could stand in front of the fridge and find food shoved in the back, teeming with mold. No problem, just throw it away, replace it with the abundance of new groceries and left overs provided by mother and father. Now that never ending influx of food is gone and now are the days of twice monthly grocery trips where I carefully pick out the most cost effective items to add to the refrigerator. It's a difficult task, especially when you try to avoid starchy and carb laden foods. Fruits and vegetables are expensive and require the most preparation for meals. I lost two tomatoes and a spaghetti squash in addition to my pesto this week!

I can't afford to waste food. It's made me more creative with my cooking (which doesn't always garner gourmet results) and more appreciative of the food I do have. But it makes me realize I do not want to live like this forever. I do not want to pinch pennies forever. My financial woes seem to be never ending and increasing exponentially. It's frustrating because I know I could have a better paying job but. . .I don't. And I don't know why!

I suppose if I really wanted to I could take a sales job, I could take a job I won't enjoy temporarily, just so I can have my head above water. So my parents don't have to pay for some of my expenses still. So I can pay off my roommates, so I can pay off my credit card. It's frustrating. I could get another job, but have two jobs? I've done it before and it sucks and I feel the vein in my forehead pulsate with frustration every time I think about it, however it seems like that's my only option at this point. Keep on applying and continue to get better at pinching pennies.