Who's that lady? (sexy lady).

When we drove into a thick sheet of fog this morning I almost cried. A series of disappointments was supposed to be ameliorated by a trip to the beach. I didn't need another disappointment. We stopped for a beer and brunch at a local Stinson Beach roadside cafe and for everyone's sake the sun began to shine and beckon us towards the sand.

After a few tall ones and a few dunks into the ocean, I spread out on my towel, sand creeping into the crevices of my skin. It was no bother. Nothing was a bother. Not even being poorly employed or single. I began to think back to the days of when I was single. Though the functions of a relationship were fun and though I still suffered from mental instabilities, I just remember being less stressed. For sure I still had my problems, but they weren't as looming. I had a better sense of my self when I was single and hopefully I can remember that when I embark on my next relationship(s?).

I've been doing so much to get over his race to another which has inflicted so much self doubt and wonderment about our relationship and myself. But it's been healthy stuff. I've been painting. I've been reading. I've been writing and writing and writing. I've been searching for grad schools. I've been researching language lessons. I've become excited about my possibilities, not the possibilities of someone else or the possibilities with someone else. It's me. All about me.

As much as I miss my former I'm slowly getting over the hurt of someone not wanting me or needing me. I'm realizing the importance of reacquainting me with myself. Though being single in a household of couples magnifies the fun of showering, sleeping and canoodling with another, I understand my current heartache will pass and pave way for a more stable and self-assured future. It sucks though. The functions of a relationship made me forget a lot of how to live freely.

I want my heads fastened securely on my shoulders again. I want my heart in the right place again. I want my abs strong and my lungs healthy. I want my family close. I want my friends near. I want a future of fulfillment. If love decides to cross my path again, so be it. Right now I'm ready to get to become enamored with myself. I'm excited. I'm ready.

I'm so sunburned.