siiiiiiiigh

Today is one of the hard days. It's been a week, that's probably why I'm feeling emotionally sore. I just want to heal. I want him to heal. I want us to help each other heal. We both know that can't happen. We've got to untangle ourselves and become separate. He said he lost himself in us. I don't perceive that as an insult. I feel the same way. Things between us became really intense.

All I did today was sigh thinking of everything that held us back. This, that, the other thing. I wish I hadn't, I wish he did, I should have, I shouldn't have, we could have. It sucks.

He left me with a lot more to ponder aside from our relationship woes. I have to think about myself and learn to step it up a notch. Like a leaf in a lazy river, I'm just floating through my life. I don't know why I can't snap out of this stupid daze I'm in. I know I'm in it- why can't I change it?

There's a lot of negativity stirring throughout my body, most of which I collect by myself. No one ever said I couldn't do anything except myself. It's so hard to convince myself of what I can do. It's so easy to tell myself what I can't do.

It will seem so trite when I write, life is weird. Life is so fricken weird. The swervy road I've been on this entire year continues to throw sharp curves without warning. I just want a straight path to peacefulness, to contentment. Now I have to do it alone, without a passenger. Is it better to be solo? Or have a backseat driver? I don't know. I guess time will tell.